Filling

It's no wonder that this blog is stagnant. My life is stagnant. I've done nothing all week. I've been literally lying in bed downloading and watching movies. I don't even get up to eat. I eat lying down. I haven't even brushed my teeth since I woke up this morning. I just fed my cats and started playing a movie.

I don't see any reason to do anything. It's holidays now. I could hang out with my friends, but the people I really want to be with are so busy. Internships, school, jobs and such.

And I could get a job, because I really need money, but my mother gives me money for doing nothing. And if I get a job, she won't give me the money for nothing. I might end up with less money.

Money has seemed really important to me the past few months. I need it for so many things, and I have so little of it. I've been trying to save, but I have failed. It's just not possible. I'm not frugal.

The only things that get me out of bed and make me feel anything are my cats. Yes, plural. If you're not my Facebook friend, you wouldn't know that I've adopted a kitten. A little monster kitten, to be specific. Cera. She's perfect for my older cat, Jay. They're perfect together. Like yin and yang, they're complementary opposites. I can't believe I found her so quickly. I found out about her the day I decided to get another cat. She supposedly has some neurological damage that affects her motor functions, but she's been getting better and better. The more she plays with Jay, the less awkward she is. Her head has almost stopped wobbling completely. You wouldn't believe me if I told you there was anything wrong with her. She's perfect.

I was terrified at first that I had made the wrong decision. I was afraid I'd ruin the lives of both my cats. I was afraid I'd love Cera more than Jay and start ignoring him. I was preparing to let Cera go and pick up the pieces of my shattered, battered heart.

I should have known that all those things are impossible. I think I did, but fear isn't always rational. Sometimes it's silly, caused by bitches who are always being negative and telling you that you can't do things you know you can and that you're not what you know you are. And sometimes it's really hard to ignore these bitches because they're always in your face talking but not listening. Bitches.

I can't believe I let her get me down. I can't believe she tried. I can't believe she succeeded. I've been thinking that I shouldn't wear my emotions on my face so frankly. Bitches take advantage of it. Bitches.

Anyway, like I was saying, my cats are perfect for each other. Jay is really gentle with Cera. I'd never seen him gentle before. He has never been gentle with me. It's a revelation. Cera is not gentle, though, even when Jay tries to be affectionate. She bites him like he bites me. Ha. But he never bites her back, even if it hurts. He just scolds her and walks away. He's so sweet and fraternal.

I try to fill the big, gaping, empty hole in my life with things that I buy, but nothing is as filling as my cats.