1. Woke up before the alarm rang, yet again. Tried and failed to go back to sleep, yet again. Heard my mother getting ready for work and lay silent in bed to avoid her, yet again.
But this time, my poor, hungry cat who was waiting for breakfast threw up acid. Guilt rushed forward to prevail over dread, and I got up to feed my cats.
2. What I was dreading happened. My mother knocked on my door. She only comes to me when she needs something.
It's not that I don't like to help my mother out. What I don't like is how she takes my help for granted and never helps me in return or even acknowledges anything I do for her. In order to avoid both the guilt of leaving my mother hanging and the hurt from being totally unappreciated, I agreed to everything she asked but did just what would benefit me and quickly left for school.
3. 9 am lecture. Even though only two classes attend this lecture, leaving more than half the seats in the lecture theatre free, a certain simpleton who made it hurtfully clear that she doesn't like me, without fail, comes in late and sits in the row just in front of me.
This gets on my damn nerves. I always go to class on time so that I can sit in my spot surrounded by empty seats. I sit in peace for the first half hour of the lecture. Then, in she comes, making the door creak, disturbing my peaceful solitude, making me want to give her The Death Stare, even though it irritates me to look at her.
Something else disturbed my peace this morning, though.
4. The "Monthly Visitor." The "Crimson Tide." The "Shark Week." Menstruation, okay! In the middle of a lecture. I didn't even have any supplies, or any coins for the vending machine. I didn't want to ask Idiotic Irritant or everyone else, whom I'd been avoiding, so I bought cookies to make change. Then, of course, I left them in the lecture theatre, uneaten. I hope whoever found them enjoyed eating them blatantly during class in full view of the lecturer, as I intended to.
5. I had a 5-hour-long break between classes, so I took the bus home to feed my cats, and myself. It was at this time that waves of fear and panic unusually strong for mid-day washed over me. Despite my combed and fluffed hair, artfully lined eyes, painted and polished nails, balmed lips, and cleverly matched dress and shoes, I'm sure my facial expression made me look crazy. I'm not as good at hiding my feelings as I like to think I am. But I tried my best, knowing that my cats would make me sane once I got home.
By the time I arrived, though, my inflamed, bleeding uterus was aching unbearably. I'd used up all of my medication, so I opened the kitchen drawer and took two pills, as the directions stated, from the first box I found, Panadol Extra. BIG MISTAKE.
What I had taken was in fact 1000 mg of paracetamol and 130 mg of caffeine. I had forgotten that I'm not a normal-sized adult, and overdosed myself.
Almost immediately, my body started to feel weak and tremble. My mind was extremely alert, but my body couldn't obey.
The pain, however, took an hour to fade.
You know how long the effects of the caffeine took to fade? Neither do I. I'm still wide awake!
6. Somehow, I managed to prepare lunch for my cats and myself, avoid my mother as she came home, get some work done and leave for school again. I couldn't sit by myself in a fully packed lecture theatre, and reluctantly got acquainted with the girl who sat next to me. I think I look more approachable when I'm both drowsy and trembly at the same time. Never again.
7. On the bus ride home, exhausted and trembling but unable to relax, I felt the waves returning. I knew it was time for emotional purging. I also noticed it was time to touch up my nail polish.
So guess what I did once I got home. No, I did not purge my emotions or touch up my nail polish. I misled you!
I lay in bed with my soft black kitten, trying to relax. And it worked!
No, it didn't. I outright lied this time.
8. Much later, I had purged my emotions, fixed my nails and read my book and was lying in bed in the dark, fully expecting to fall asleep. I have a new bed which is so comfortable that any insomnia foolish enough to challenge it suffers defeat.
However, the bed was no match for the caffeine stimulating my central nervous system. Not even melatonin, which knocks me out in half an hour, could stand up to it.
9. More than twelve hours after I took the pills, my lips are bruised from anxious chewing, my hands have stopped shaking, my emotions are balanced, the school week is over, my nails are almost perfect, and my cats are sleeping, but I'm wide awake.
Will I ever sleep again?
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